The Style Invitational; Week 551: Lost in Translation

If you feed into the Google translator "Now is the time for allgood men to come to the aid of their party," and click on "English toFrench," you get:

Est maintenant l'heure pour tous les bons hommes de

venir a l'aide de leur partie.

And if you feed that into the translator and click on "French toEnglish," you get:

Is now the hour for all the good men to come using their part.

This week's contest: Find us some comical translations-and-backusing the Google translator (click on "Language Tools" on theGoogle.com home page). Feed some passage of English text into thetool -- 25 words max -- and ask it to translate it into one of thefive languages offered; then copy the result back into the tool andask it to translate that back to English. Warning: It's veryimportant this week to come up with text that other contestantsaren't likely to submit; if we get more than three identical entriesof a passage, we won't use it. Obviously, you need the Internet forthis contest. Those of you who don't have Internet

access get the week off; you can pull out your abacuses and finishyour taxes.

First-prize winner receives the Inker, the official StyleInvitational Trophy. First runner-up wins a "Today" show baseball caphand-autographed by Katie Couric ("Good morning!" it says perkily).

Other runners-up win the coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable mentions get one of the lusted-after StyleInvitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send yourentries via e-mail to losers@washpost.com. Snail-mail entries arenot accepted. Deadline is Monday, April 5. Put the week number in thesubject line of your e-mail, or you risk being ignored as spam.Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry.Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. Allentries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may beedited for taste or content. Results will be published April 25. Nopurchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, andtheir immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymousentries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week'scontest is by Josh Borken of Bloomington, Minn. This week's contestwas suggested more or less by Russell Beland of Springfield.

Report from Week 547, in which we asked for things that anexisting brand name would be bad for: The Empress received 462 e-mails for this contest, many of which contained dozens of entrieseach, and almost all of which contained an entry suggesting thatMicrosoft would be a bad name for an erectile-dysfunction drug. Otherentries too common to reward: Cheerios for a funeral home, Next DayBlinds for a laser eye surgery center, and Redskins for a footballteam. The category of laxatives really got you going, so to speak;the litany of bad names included Outback, Grey Poupon, Jiffy Lube,Chunky, Pump & Spray, Big Brownie Blast, Quicken and, but of course,IBM.

{diam}Fourth runner-up: Rolling Rock is a good name for a beer buta bad name for an

insurance company. (Jim Lyons, Arlington)

{diam}Third runner-up: The Chrysler Building is a good name for askyscraper but a bad name for an SUV. (John Conti, Norfolk, Mass.)

{diam}Second runner-up: Antabuse is a good name for an alcoholismdrug but a bad name for a magnifying glass. (Chris Doyle, Forsyth,Mo.)

{diam}First runner-up, the winner of the cuddly stuffed Athlete'sFoot and Ulcer toys: Wachovia is a good name for a bank but a badname for a cemetery.

(Michael Cisneros, Centreville)

{diam}And the winner of the Inker: Virgin Airways is okay as aname for an airline but not for a cigarette. (Russell Beland,Springfield)

{diam}Honorable Mentions:

BP is a good name for a gas company but a bad name for a honeycompany.

(Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

Renuzit is a good name for a room

deodorizer but a bad name for an acne treatment. (Brendan Beary,Great Mills)

Nine Inch Nails is a good name for a rock group but a bad name fora proctology clinic. (J. F. Martin, Naples, Fla.)

Hi-C is a good name for a fruit drink but a bad name for atutoring service.

(Jane Auerbach, Los Angeles)

Open Pit is a good name for a barbecue sauce but a bad name for atoilet bowl cleaner. (Ann Martin, Annapolis)

Wawa is a good name for a convenience store but a bad name for an

antidepressant.

(Dave Komornik, Danville, Va.)

Iran is a good name for an Islamic

republic but a bad name for an infantry platoon. (Ted Einstein,Silver Spring)

Newman's Own is a good name for Paul Newman's brand of condiments,but it would not be a good name for his brand of condoms. (RussellBeland)

IHOP is a good name for a pancake shop but a bad name for aprosthetics

company.

(Larry Blue, Potomac; Tom Matthews,

Fairfax Station; Jeff Brechlin, Potomac Falls)

Ashburn is a good name for a town but a bad name for hemorrhoidointment.

(Karen Tierney, Ashburn)

3-in-One is a good name for a household oil but a bad name for areligion.

(Mike Genz, La Plata)

Domino's is a good name for a pizza place but a bad name for aconstruction company. (Tiffany Getz, Manassas; Tom Witte, MontgomeryVillage)

Nordic Track is a good name for exercise equipment but a bad namefor an

affirmative action program. (Larry

Phillips, Falls Church; Russell Beland)

Target is a good name for a retail store in America but a bad namefor a retail store in Iraq. (Jeff Martin, Gaithersburg)

Chick-fil-A is a good name for a

fast-food outlet but not for O.J.

Simpson's next business venture.

(Tom Witte)

The Tinder Box is a good name for a

tobacco shop but a bad name for an apartment building.

(Dean Evangelista, Silver Spring)

Twinkies, HoHos and Ding Dongs are all good names for snack cakes,but not for WNBA teams. (Blythe Marshall, Annandale; Russell Beland)

Taco Bell is a good name for a Mexican restaurant but a bad namefor a Mexican phone company. (Dave Ferry, Purvis, Miss.; DudleyThompson, Raleigh, N.C.)

Snickers is a good name for a candy bar but a bad name for asupport group.

(Briana Payne, Annapolis)

First Impressions is a good name for a dating service but not abungee jumping center. (Russell Beland)

Ayds used to be a good name for a diet candy . . . (Paul Styrene,Olney)

Kaboom is a good name for a stain

remover but a bad name for a high-fiber cereal. (Kelly Wilson,Milwaukee)

The Library of Congress is probably too subtle to be a good namefor an adult bookstore. (Russell Beland)

First Union is a good name for a bank but a bad name for a BoyScout camp.

(Michael Fribush, Burtonsville)

Rent-A-Wreck is a good name for a used-car rental company but abad name for an escort service.

(Marleen May, Rockville)

Boeing is a good name for an airplane company but not for amattress

company.

(Peter Metrinko, Plymouth, Minn.)

The Foot Locker is a good name for a sports shoe store but a badname for quick-drying cement.

(Art Grinath, Takoma Park)

Wanamaker is a good name for a

department store but a bad name for a dating service.

(Susan Thompson, Raleigh, N.C.)

Excalibur is a good name for a security company but a bad name fora tampon. (Jeff Brechlin)

Just Do It is a good slogan for Nike but a bad slogan for asuicide relief center. (Jeff Keenan, Severn)

Miracle Whip is a good name for a salad dressing, a bad name forMel Gibson to use for movie tie-in toy merchandising. (Dave Zarrow,Herndon; Elden Carnahan)

Ram Cargo Van is a good name for a

vehicle but a bad name for a driving school. (Jeff Brechlin)

The Swimsuit Issue might be a good name for a week of SportsIllustrated, but it probably won't work for Hustler. (Russell Beland)

Air France is a good name for an airline but a bad name for adeodorant.

(Danny Bravman, Potomac)

Sizzler is a good name for a steakhouse but a bad name for arectal

thermometer. (Roy Ashley, Washington)

Stove Top Stuffing is a good name for stuffing that you cook onthe stove, but not for a book on how to get the

romance back in your marriage.

(Russell Beland)

Kleenex may be a good name for a

tissue, but it's an excellent name for a divorce law firm. (PaulKondis, Alexandria)